Reminisce

So many times I have written things over the years and deleted them, unposted, erased, deleted an account. In reality, keeping those things, in my thoughts, used to be holding onto a past I wanted to let go.

I stopped doing that about a year ago, and I’m so happy for it. To see the distance I have come as a person and a writer, is an incredible and emotional experience. As opposed to being embarrassed by my past and my honesty, I think of how fascinating it would be to read an old diary.

To really get into my own head in a past moment. With old blogs, I can. My story is wild beyond most peoples imagining, but the anger I used to use as ammo, has now evolved into passion to change the things I see as injustice, or at least make them known.

I can show how a woman can go through torture and disrespect, yet come out of it not tarnished, but grown. I may use comedy to release pain, but I don’t inflict pain on others and I know who I can direct certain comedy toward, who will enjoy the banter, and know that it means connection – not hate.

I can even laugh at moments I never thought I’d get past. I can be honest about things that could’ve destroyed my reputation in the past. And those things were not my fault, I used to believe they were.

Most of all, I can show my daughter how I came out of the bad things and grew stronger. I can show her that is okay to be yourself and make mistakes. What matters in life is finding what makes you happy and giving no fucks about what anyone else thinks about it.

With that said – I intend to make my comeback to streaming. My biggest joy and my biggest fear. But the only thing I fell truly in love with as far as a career went.

I am lucky enough to have most of my life in a good place, now it’s time to take back a passion that no one used to understand – performance.

One response to “Reminisce”

  1. It’s always a good idea to archive your posts and read them years later. Gives a fresh perspective.

    Like

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